3am

I have a really easy baby. I can take her anywhere and she rarely fusses.

However, she seems to have her days and nights mixed up. She sleeps wonderfully during the day and then she's awake at night.

Or it might be that she just loves being held and cuddled. She's held most of the day, and then at night we try to put her down. Inevitably, she screams.

Either way, her nighttime crying is teaching me some good lessons.

Here's what happened a few nights ago:

It was 3am and I had been trying to calm Riley down since midnight. I had tried everything I knew (and trust me, I've been asking tons of moms for advice about what to do when she cries at night) and nothing seemed to be working. I was exhausted and I was getting frustrated, so I knew I needed some "God time."

I decided to plop Riley in my lap (on her boppy) and start journaling. My journal entries are almost always prayers to God. After I released my emotions and begged God for patience, I started quoting truth to myself. Here's an excerpt from that journal entry:

"God, You are pursuing me in all of this. You love me in all of this. And You love Riley too. God, help me to love Riley the way You do. Goodness, You don't get upset with me when I am crying and I need You. I can come to You anytime of the day or night. So I needn't get upset with Riley when she's crying and she needs me, no matter what time of day it is."

I continued journaling for a long time, reminding myself that God is my strength and I don't have to rely on my own energy to meet Riley's needs. God showed me a lot about myself and my relationship with Him that night, and He showed me several areas in my life that I need to let Him change and mold to become more Christlike.

But the main thing that God taught me that night was about flexibility. I tend to be a "schedule" person; I like to have a certain time to do everything and I don't necessarily enjoy messing up my schedule. How silly of me! And just plain sinful, too.

First of all, my time is not my own anyways. My life belongs to Christ, so my time does too. Secondly, flexibility is required in order to be available to be in God's will. As I look for ways that God is at work around me and seek to join Him in what He's doing, I will certainly have to give up parts of my schedule, if not all of it.

Indeed, flexibility is so important that it is one of the essentials for our new church start in Bryan. Our Core Group guidelines say "we must always be open to adjust and make changes as the Lord shows us."

If you know me, you probably know that I have difficulty adjusting to change. But with God's help, I've come a long way in that area and I will continue to give that struggle over to God. Right now I am practicing being flexible with Riley. She is not yet ready for a schedule, so I am adjusting my life to meet her needs.

I am happy to say that the past couple of nights I have been able to comfort Riley and love her with a joy that comes from God, no matter what the hour. Praise God for the ways He is changing me, making me a better mom and a better witness for Christ!