Rewind A Bit

The purpose of this entry was to show how much God has comforted us during our trials this past year. As a result of this journey, Josh and I adopted the following verses as another one of our theme verses:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." -2 Corinthians 1:3-5

As you read this entry, I hope that you can see and understand how that verse was exemplified in our lives and how we now have the responsibility to comfort others and to unashamedly share how we ourselves have been comforted.

I don't necessarily enjoy taking my mind back to January 2008, but sometimes I think it is important to put our trials in writing.

I don't want to forget everything God has taught us through this journey.

So here it is... all of our sweat and tears revealed, and the lessons we learned seven months ago.

January 2008.

Josh and I were both jobless.

We had run out of money.

We had no health insurance.

We had only been married for five months.

From the world's perspective, it couldn't have been a worse time to get pregnant.

And yet, that little test showed a sure positive.

I started shaking. I was scared out of my mind. There was no way God was allowing me to bring a baby into this world. But I couldn't deny the obvious any longer.

While I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown, Josh stayed strong for us and immediately had me arrange to meet with my amazing mentors. I listened intently to everything they said and I soon began to see God work miracles.

We were advised to wait until our circumstances improved before telling people we were expecting. So no one knew our situation. And yet, tons of families started inviting us to dinner. It was amazing to see the Body in action. Whenever we didn't have a clue how we'd eat that night, we'd get invited to dinner. Many of these families had no idea how much they were blessing us.

On top of that, I had stopped taking my heart medicine in December (because I had no health insurance), which I had been on since 1994. The doctors had never told me to stop taking the medicine or reduced the dosage. They didn't think that was possible. However, my HOPE group (and others) had been praying over my health for about a semester now and sure enough, God performed a miracle on my heart. I believe He has cured me from pericarditis. In addition, I now feel stronger than I've felt in years. In January I realized that if I had not stopped taking my medicine in December, it could have caused serious complications for the baby. Thank you God for ordaining all of that. I owe it all to God, the Healer and the All-powerful.

The miracles continued.

Soon, Josh got a job.

I got health insurance (thanks to our wonderful American government).

And more than anything, God changed my heart. My very wise and very humble mentor, Julie, taught me about telling myself The Truth. My panic attacks were obvious signs that I was telling myself lies and I was living in the world's folly. Despite the fact that I have always adored kids, I was believing that babies were a liability and that this pregnancy would only add to my burdens.

But if I claim to be a Christian, I must believe everything in the Bible. And the Bible says that children are a blessing.

"Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is a reward."
-Psalm 127:3 (NASB)

This pregnancy was a blessing. That's a fact. I couldn't believe otherwise.

So anytime I started to worry that this pregnancy was... well, can I dare say that I worried it was a mistake? That's the yucky, sad truth. There were moments when I did indeed start to think that way. And yet, now I can't wait for Riley to get here!

Anyways, anytime I started to struggle with that sin, I opened up my copy of Her Hands to the chapter "Wise Women Love Their Children" and meditated on what God says about children and what older, wiser women say about children. This practice of replacing my faulty beliefs with The Truth has changed my life for the better. I can more easily walk in God's peace and I can more easily see "the big picture."

Over the months, Josh has continued to help me see things from God's perspective. Josh and I have grown closer together and we've grown closer to God. I am thankful for the lessons that little Riley has already taught me. I look forward to learning so much more from her.