God knows.

God knows the exact moment I will have this baby.

God knows how many hairs will be on her head (if any).

God knows how much she'll weigh and how tall she'll be.

God knows, and for right now, that is enough for me.

I just love it when the message at church correlates exactly with what God has been teaching me all week. Tonight, Fernando (guest speaker) talked about Philippians 4:4-7 and that just happens to be the verse that I meditated on all week.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

You see, last week I started to realize that this baby could come at any time. And so with that realization, I started to panic. I couldn't sleep and I couldn't focus on my tasks at work. All I could think about was the day that this baby will come.

I have a tendency to get very anxious right before any big change in my life. For example, I did the same things (not sleeping, not focusing) right before my wedding. And then once I was married, I calmed down a lot and being married began to feel normal.

I don't want to struggle with anxiety this time. By the power of the Holy Spirit living in me, I want my "gentleness to be evident to all."

At tonight's prayer meeting before the church service, someone explained that God doesn't tell us what the future holds and then gives us peace. Instead, God calls us to Him and then gives us His peace.

This is evident throughout the whole Bible, from when God told Abram to "leave... and go" (no specifics about where Abram was going or how long it would take to get there), to when Jesus told the disciples that He was going away (no specifics about when or how he was going away). And yet, Jesus explained that if He did not go away, the Counselor (or Comforter) would not come (read John 16).

Do you see the connection? Jesus was giving them the peace of God; He was not telling them exactly what the rest of their lives would look like.

So although I do not know when this baby will arrive, how many hairs she'll have, or how big she'll be, I can have peace about it all. My Lord is near. I can rejoice in God and be thankful for the precious life He has created in my womb.

God, as my due date approaches, you know I am getting more nervous about the change in my life. In these next few days and weeks, please let Your peace guard my mind against anxious thoughts. Take captive my every thought and turn it to You. Continue to draw me to You and to Your Word. Thank you for teaching me through this experience and for loving me through it all. Amen.